How to Test Your Teleporter
With technology advancing faster than ever before, Qualitest looks forward to the technologies of the future with a testers' eye. This week we focus on the Teleporter and what areas would need to be tested with such a device.
Note: The following article was submitted via one-way time portal, and as a result, it is not possible to fact-check this piece by use of any secondary sources. Editing may occur upon discovery of repeatable time travel or the year 2061, which ever comes first.
Qualitest is proud to announce their partnership with UElsewhere Enterprises, RWeThereYet Corp., and BingBingBing Inc. on the next generation of teleportation devices, using standard Higgs Boson electron-antineutrino technologies. This is what the Qualitest Technology Center (“QTC”) Teleportation Test Facility was designed for testing!
Range should not be a factor in teleportation, but we will help you comply with the current planetary regulations of .25 parsecs. Between our current Test Centers, we are currently equipped to test up to 2 parsecs if necessary. No-beam zones (the White House, the Martian consulate, Gruinard Island, etc.) are blocked from in-coming and out-going travel, per regulatory law. The Allied Restraint Order Registry will likewise be respected, as well as penal limitations concerning out-of-state travel.
We perform our tests using non-living, carbon-cased life forms, and silicon-based life forms to ensure that there is no inside-outing or other translational impact. Multiple organisms are sent simultaneously to ensure that there are no Brundlefly reactions, and caching checks are done on all subsequent re-materializations. Teleportation is blocked when the destination’s atmosphere or lack thereof is dangerous to the traveler; this includes but is not limited to: toxic gases, flare insects, depressurization, temperature extremes, freefall, beaming into solid rock, beaming into liquid lava. Likewise, teleportation is blocked if the receiving atmosphere is not cleared for particular banned transit items you might be sending, such as killer bees, legacy radioactive waste, Class II and III toxins, certain contraband drugs and weapons, and durian fruit.
No, we’re not talking about the cellphone definition of sixty years ago. We’re talking about moving targets. Movement can be 1) Stationary, 2) Moving in constant rate and direction, 3) Combinations of pitch, yaw and roll and acceleration change that are more difficult to describe. There are of course 3 methods that most always be tested: Teleportation pad as source, destination, and middle point.
Devices are cleared for specific size ranges, from nanite labs to space station construction equipment and aerospace parts. We will verify that those sizes work for your device.
Sadly, the Qualitest Technology Center (“QTC”) Teleportation Test Facility does not exist yet, nor do we know when it is expected to be built. However, we do have the Qualitest Technology Centre that is able to provide an Off-Site, On-Shore, test facility that provides the best in class testing capability from our own premises. This enables us to provide flexible and cost efficient means of testing to our clients. More information can be found in the QTC brochure.
Innovation such as the QTC is one of the reasons Gartner has recognized Qualitest as the only Visionary QA and Testing Service Company in the “Gartner Magic Quadrant” for the past two years in a row.